elk in switzerland

My uncle is in the hospital in Baltimore, hovering between life and death. A few weeks ago he developed a series of infections and had to be hospitalized. Since then there have been serious complications. My father has been with him all week, at his bedside, along with my uncle's wife and my two cousins.…

  Spring is a season of rough edges. The sharp new blades of grass, the itchy, grainy pollen that scratches my eyes. Warmer sunshine begins to streak through the curtains, but when I step out onto the stone patio, there's still a cutting breeze. It's as if new life can only break through with a…

It's been a year of living in Switzerland, and one year of blogging. Fifty-two weeks of experimenting with my writing on the internet. I'm getting pretty invested in this blog. A little bit like becoming attached to a new dog. You start out a little guarded, but eventually you're all in, won over by attachment.…

I don't do transitions very gracefully. Like life stages, or moving into unfamiliar territory. I usually muscle through them, or I ignore them, shirking from reality as long as possible. Or I free-fall with zero preparation, hoping for the best. Not bad strategies when combined and used appropriately. But it's all so tiring. And here…

It's been a long winter. Especially for my sisters, one in the Midwest and the other in New England. Long months of below average temperatures, and lots and lots of snow and ice. But hardest of all, the endless grey - day after day of overcast skies. Short days without the life-sustaining brightness of the…

Growing up Episcopalian, I understood pageantry and pretend. The church sanctuary and the liturgy were familiar backdrops where I learned about beautiful music and poetry and drama. To a child, the stained glass chancel was like a stage adorned with ornate props. When parishioners weren't around, I used to pose behind the scary eagle lectern,…

Earlier this month, Mac and I spent a long weekend in Lyon, France. We took the train through Geneva with big plans to see a soccer game, and then to spend a few days exploring the historic city. The first afternoon we took a walk in the old square, and I was surprised when he…

Is there such a thing? Yep. Most of us think so. We're all critics - we look at a painting or a sculpture or a poem, and we think, is that any good? Or, we say, that's something even I could do. When we first looked at this apartment, I walked in and saw this oil painting. Instant…

I love the quiet. In our apartment building there is very little noise. When I'm here by myself it feels like a retreat, kind of a clean white canvas that I can fill up, or not. It feels restorative and conducive to reading, writing, creating - and napping. The computer sitting on the kitchen table…

One morning, right before Christmas, I was outside in the yard, when a quick flash of bright blue caught the corner of my eye. And as I peered up into the greenery, I spotted two bluebirds perched in the cedar tree. They were so beautiful, so unexpected - brilliant paint strokes of bright cerulean, swooping…

Flying back home from Switzerland last night, I was looking out the window of the plane and enjoying writing a blog piece in my head, one completely different from this one. Because naturally, that fussy fuse-box in my skull had other ideas, and I got a full-blown, brain shattering migraine somewhere over the Atlantic. Arriving…

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by…

This weekend we are in the small medieval town of Ravensberg, in the western part of Germany, to experience their famous Christmas Market, and to sample the holidays European-style. And I've learned that the actual Christmas Tree tradition began very near here, on the western banks of the Rhine. It began in the 16th century…

  Americans often complain that the Thanksgiving holiday gets squeezed out by the Christmas rush. But here in Switzerland, there isn't any rush, because there isn't any Thanksgiving. And it feels like there's a bit of an empty hole. It's mid-November and we are already in the middle of Christmas right now, and it will continue until…

In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. -  Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "Sonnets From The Portuguese"…

There ain't no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it. ― Kate DiCamillo,  Because of Winn-Dixie I woke up last night from a horrible dream. In it, my son was a toddler, running barefoot in the grass, his bright…

If you'd sail beyond the cape Sail you must past cares, past grief. God gave perils to the sea and sheer depth, But mirrored heaven there.  Fernando Pessoa We are now in the coastal town of Tróia, Portugal, after spending two days in the delightful city of Porto. This is a beautiful oceanic country, with…

I lie next to him, our wrists touching lightly. I can feel his pulse on the back of my hand. Or maybe it's mine, I can't tell. His hands are beautiful - strong, with long, tapered, artists' fingers. The blue highway of veins is slightly raised and delicate. Have I ever really noticed them before?…

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. ― Edgar Allan Poe "I've got to figure out what I'm going to be for Halloween, Mom," my son told me a few weeks ago. My son is 23 years old.  Well, he will be soon - on Halloween, to…

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection    -  Buddha Recently, I had an interesting response from a therapist friend of mine, to my blog post, Reflections On a Bipolar Life. He commented on how my piece illustrated a concept in the mental health field known as "self-compassion." In…